I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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