It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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