i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nutella sex= disaster
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
