I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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