I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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