I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
