so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
