Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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