why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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