is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
