I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
