did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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