doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My hand turned me down
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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