You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
