But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I understand Curling. That high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
