WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
