Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize