i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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