she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
