farters have to be the big spoon...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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