May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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