he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
