Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
