I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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