he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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