a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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