she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
