Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
