Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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