Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
