i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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