You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
