Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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