So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
