I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
