1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
