Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
