420 ftw
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
