Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
