I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
