She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
