My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
