shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
