I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
