Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight