i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina