you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu