It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.