I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....