Porn is love you can see.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
