And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
