My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
