call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize