Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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