So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
