wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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