Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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