omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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