He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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