I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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