she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my poor anus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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