I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
