Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
