You're so nebulous sometimes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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