I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I AM VODKA MAN
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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