You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
