went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
