I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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