i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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