Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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