now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
