brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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