I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize