Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
