I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
