hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
