either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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